“The route to personal excellence and meaningful self-growth is full of ups and downs; progressions and regressions; great leaps forward, backslides, and plateaus. But as long as the overall direction is up, you will ascend the mountain-and there are many mountains to climb in this life, all of different textures.”
- Terry Orlick (In Pursuit of Excellence)
So where do I start? The race was a disaster. A complete and utter disappointment. As close to falling on my face as is possible without actually doing so. I could go on but I won’t.
69th overall and 10th in my age-group in a time of 2:20, 10 minutes off my goal time. Sure, I had to swim without a wetsuit for the first time in a race, the bike course included a significant hill to climb each of the three laps, and it was probably the hottest weather I’ve ever had to run in (even with the cloud cover) but none of that was (or is now) a comfort.
I know what made it so difficult to deal with was the fact that, with the time away from school, I had dedicated the past month and a half completely to training. So much of what I did revolved around workouts, or getting ready for workouts, or recovering from workouts. I had become a full time triathlete.
And I was seeing improvements. In the past month I had smashed PB’s in a 1.5 k swim and a 16 k bike time trial, and was running paces at the track that I had never dreamed I could do. So falling so short of expectations was a complete shock. Sitting at the finish line I just couldn’t wrap my head around what had happened.
“You task is to make the journey from immediate loss to eventual gain as rapidly, smoothly, and comfortably as possible.”
So the challenge, as is the case so often in racing and life, is to find a way to make that journey.
What makes it easier is to have those around you who each do their little parts in getting you through that transition. Thanks Mom, Dad, Martina, Alan, Steph, Brian, Amy and the whole rest of the LETC crew. For a chance to just sit and talk, for just asking how things went, for leaving me alone when I needed it, for not pushing when I didn’t want to talk about it, for listening when I did, and most of all, for knowing when a smoothie would make it all better. Thank you.
So where to now?
“Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself and yourself alone one question: Does this path have heart? All paths are the same. They lead nowhere. They are paths going through the brush or into the brush or under the brush. Does this path have a heart is the only question. If it does then the path is good…if it doesn’t then it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere, but one has a heart and the other doesn’t. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it you will be one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong, the other weakens you.”
I think the fact that, after a short swim in Okanagan Lake yesterday morning on my own, sitting on the beach I was brought to tears at the thought of how disappointed I was answers the question for me. If this path didn’t have heart I could’ve walked away from the finish line indifferent and unaffected. And to some maybe that’s a more palatable option but that’s not me. Sure it hurt to fail but that’s what happens when you risk something.
“The pursuit of balanced excellence is both challenging and fulfilling. Relish its intensity, cherish its beautiful moments, and accept its risks. Many lives lack this sense of passionate absorption and personal meaning, the charged-up feeling, the flow of adrenaline, the body telling its master, I’m ready…let’s go.”
So let’s go. Vancouver Triathlon in less than two weeks.
